through the eyes of an enigma… el maèstro

No Penis is an Island


This is a re-post from the Writer’s Cyanide blog (which you SHOULD have read by now) which a couple friends and I have started.

I was talking to a friend today and the topic of not being able to pitch a tent came up and sparked a very heated debate. Anyways without further ado, let’s get on to the reason we’re here….

So, here I am, sitting in the living room, sports news on in the background but I don’t care because they are talking bout horse racing, cricket [who watches that?] and in a few they’ll be mentioning Arsenal’s dismal 3-0 loss to Chelsea. The fat man is making some unintelligible sounds [i don’t consider that language] and I’m wondering what to write.

I should have written something a few day’s ago for Writer’s Cyanide [shut up Omar, I’m still early lol]. So I picked up an old issue of Men’s Health and a phrase jumped out at me. “No Penis is an Island”. After cracking up a bit I got down into the article which suggests 9 rules for “awe-inspiring erections”.

All fun and jokes aside, did you know that ED [erectile dysfunction] is actually a precursor to heart attacks? Yes the damage from cardiovascular diseases affects the small arteries of the penis first.

I know what you guys and gals are thinking, its early, you or your special person don’t have to worry. But isn’t it better to start to safeguard your sex life now instead of waiting till you need to start popping those li’l blue pills?

Guys following these steps is said to be a guarantee that any woman who visits your peninsula will leave smiling.

Prevention.

Have more dark fruits like Black berries [no, not the one on your belt clip]. these contain antioxidants which help you to rise and shine.

Kill the smokestack. Why should I bother to tell you that smoking also makes you young and impotent? [as if you didn’t have reason enough already to quit]. This practice actually doubles the chance of ED…still feel like lighting up?

Please don’t laugh at this next suggestion, I write it with the straightest of faces. Being sensitive actually helps to improve your ability to pitch a tent if you intend to go camping…uh…what? The experts say don’t stress yourself, take a few minutes a day to focus on your five senses…..and let me know how that pans out.

Stop snoring! Tissues need oxygen to function effectively, snoring prevents you from getting sufficient oxygen, see where I’m going with this? Don’t waste money on snoring aids which for the most part don’t work, instead place bricks under the bedposts at the head of the bed.

Eat a dark chocolate bar once in a while. Consider this, erection medicine. They contain ingredients which dilate [open] your blood vessels and helps prevent trouble in paradise.

Whatever you do, remember, the body is a temple, the penis is a playground…take care of the temple, and the benefits will flow on down…

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: